My new diagnosis...

I have recently diagnosed myself with "Spiritual Attention Deficit Disorder"...It is truly "SADD"!  (How's that for coincidence and a play on words? Ha!)  Let me just recap my week for you.  It was a doozie in terms of commitments.  I mean, I may not excel at taking pictures of food, or keeping a perfect house, but I am a rock star at over-committing, stressing, and stretching myself so thin I'm practically transparent.  I know I'm not alone in this, because a lot of my friends are right there with me.  Just modern day Gumby dolls being pulled as far as our arms can reach.  I think a lot of it is the culture we live in, but I digress, I am the one saying yes, so I can only blame myself. 

So, rewind all the way to a week ago Sunday.  On the way to church we were talking about the 10 Commandments and the kids were trying to see if I knew them all from memory (surprisingly I did, but definitely not in order).  When I got to the one on the Sabbath, my 7 year old stopped me and asked me what it meant, and why God would make that one of his "favorite rules".  So, we stopped to discuss the importance of taking time for God, and thanking him for all of our blessings.  Coincidentally the sermon that day was about the Holy Spirit that lives in us and walks with us as our guide, and how important it was for us to "pay attention", and have quiet time to stop and listen for direction. 

That night, out of nowhere, my daughter brings up that she wants to do a family devotion "like old times" at dinner.  We go through phases when we are really good at incorporating it, but currently we were in an "off season".  She randomly flipped through the book and chose one called "Time Out".  It was all about how on the 7th day of creation God rested, and how important it was for us to do the same. (Are you seeing a theme yet...)

Just a few short days later I was doing my Bible study homework at 4 am on Tuesday because I couldn't sleep, and honestly, confession time here, we were meeting later that morning and I was WAY behind. Care to guess what the topic was.... yup, that's right....  resting and observing the Sabbath, taking time to relax, breathe in life, exhale stress, and reflect on our blessings.  I was starting to catch on, but in my busyness continued to operate in "survival mode" the rest of the week. 

So, yesterday was Sunday again, and we finished up the sermon series on the Holy Spirit, focusing on his role as "communicator" and how important it is to be still and QUIET to listen, and the importance of carving out time to commit to doing just that... SIT and LISTEN.  Let's be honest, God in all of His infinite wisdom does not need my "to do list" or "tattle tale sheets" in the disguise of prayer requests, and as I reflected back on the times I had done "quiet" time, the last thing I would describe it as was quiet.  So last night I picked up my other Bible study (that I actually lead) to "refresh" (I mean complete) my homework and readings.  My eyes welled up with tears when I realized it too was about slowing down and resting.  If Jesus had a megaphone, it is pointed right at me.  But no, He doesn't shout.  He just continually pursues me, even in my disobedience, with frequent gentle reminders that "I am here.  Come and sit with me.".   He never gives up on me, and His love never fails me.  His grace is more than I can even begin to understand and that right there is enough to bring me to my knees. 

That brings me to this morning.  I have the absolute pleasure of meeting with some pretty amazing women, and even though I am the leader, they are constantly teaching me new things and sharing wisdom that has grown and blessed me beyond measure.  As a measure of accountability I asked them to check-in on me with my quiet time, to ensure that I was following through and turning off the "static" of life, and the accessibility of my ever-ringing/dinging phone.  Just like a workout at the gym, it is going to take time to build up resistance to the constant thought process of "What's for dinner?, Who has what activity tonight?  Did I switch the laundry? Did I even start the laundry?  Is it trash day?  How long has that cob web been there?" and the list goes on and on.   

When I got home this morning from my study and a few errands, I received a reminder text from one of my absolute favorite friends telling me it was time for me to take a "time out".   And that's exactly what I did.    For the first time in as long as I can remember I sat in silence.  It took me about 20 minutes to still my mind, and it only lasted about 20 minutes, but it's a start.  I won't be cured of my "SADD" in one day, but slowly in time, I hope that I can find peace in the stillness.

Be still, and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10

I also came to this realization this morning.  I do not have to say yes to every opportunity presented to me.  If I say no, it does not mean it will not get done, it simply gives someone else the chance to serve and say yes.  That may sound simple to you, but it was incredibly freeing for me.   

Blessings!